Q: How has Citi Bike affected your business?
A: We've sold a lot of helmets.
Q: My bike only cost $100. Do I still need lights?
2) Yes. Your superpower of being seen is independent of your bike's superpower to not get stolen.
Q: Do the Brompton's smaller wheels make you go slower?
A: No. The Brompton is compensated to allow you to ride at a normal speed. Some are even over-geared for 20+ MPH riding.
Q: Can you ever shave off your beard?
A: Yes, but we catalog the trimmings to present to the Feds for compliance.
Q: What do I do if...it's raining?
A: Go for a bike ride, enjoy every minute of it. When you get home, take off your bike clothes in the shower so everything gets de-gunked prior to being hung up to dry. Make sure to lube your chain after a rainy ride.
Q: ...if my bike makes a squeaky noise?
The chain is the first suspect. Lube the chain. If the squeak persists, tap and hum at every part of the bike until you find the one that squeaks. If you can't find it, or if you can't lube the thing you find, bring it over. Redbeard can't tolerate any noise, so you have our full sympathy and support. We'll get you rolling squeak-free.
Q: ...if I get a flat far from home?
This is a tough one. If you have metro fare and are within the range of the public transit system, deploy the Metrocard. If not, deploy the cell phone. If you're in the woods, stuff your tire full of pine needles and leaves and grass. If you're on the beach just stay there, you're doing fine.
Q: ...if my girlfriend/boyfriend wants me to buy a bike I'm not excited about?
Q: ...my girlfriend/boyfriend wants to buy me a bike I'm not excited about?
Q: ...if I've just had a collision/other painful or unpleasant interaction with a motorist?
Q: My workplace doesn't have a bike storage facility.
A: Bring your bike in and we'll hook you up with a good locking system for your frame, wheels, and other components. Meanwhile, start a petition for a bike parking!
Q: My work place doesn't have a shower or changing room.
Q: Do I need special clothes to commute by bike?
Q: Do you let people test ride bikes?
Q: Is a bike shop really a bike shop, if it doesn't let people test ride bikes?
Q: Can I use your pump to fill my tires?
Q: Where did #4 go?
5) On a bike ride.
7) What do I do if...?
7d) Explain to her that your needs as a bike rider are different from her needs. She may like bombing down the hill while you enjoy taking pictures on the way down. Different pedal strokes for different folks.
7d-1) Dude! Free bike!
7e) In all cases keep your cool. If it was a collision, inform the police, get the driver's info. Take a picture of EVERYTHING. Driver, car, license plate, anything damaged on you or your bike, the surroundings, the intersection. If it's serious, start eyeballing witnesses and anyone who can support you.
8) My place of work has no bike storage facility. Can I propose something?
9) My place of work has no showers or changing rooms. Can I come hang out at the bike shop instead?
10) Do you let people test ride bikes?
10a) Is a bike shop a real bike shop if they don't allow test rides?
11) Do I need special clothes to commute to work?